How to deal with an unsupportive husband during pregnancy

Pregnancy is challenging, and having support from your husband or partner can help you a lot during this journey. However, if you are not finding that support and looking for answers to your husband’s unsupportive behavior, this article is for you.

In this article, you will find how to deal with an unsupportive husband during pregnancy. First, I will discuss the importance of husband involvement during pregnancy. Then I will focus on the various reasons that make husbands unsupportive during pregnancy. Finally, I will also suggest the ways and methods you can use to deal with your unsupportive partner during pregnancy.

You are going to be a mother. For the next several months, you will be nurturing a soul, a complete tiny human being within you. For several coming years, little human beings will rely on you. As exciting as it may seem, it is also scary as hell. Pregnancy is an exciting and uncertain, stressful phase of life, exasperating with lots of emotional hormones.

Pregnancy is difficult for both mothers-to-be and fathers-to-be

Pregnancy is considered a challenging phase for women because of all the physical variations and psychological changes. However, this time is also stressful for the father-to-be. It is even frightening for them, their life will be changed, and they will have many more responsibilities. In this situation, you may find your husband unsupportive and distant.

Why a husband’s involvement is significant?

There could be various reasons for your husband’s unsupportive behavior. Before going into that, let’s briefly look at the importance of the husband’s involvement in pregnancy. Multiple research studies and scientific literature emphasized the importance of a husband’s involvement during pregnancy. Husbands’ participation in the prenatal period has a positive impact on the mother and baby’s well-being. It also reduces the chances of post-partum depression, and mothers are more likely to have a positive relationship with the baby.

Research on the husband’s involvement during pregnancy

Various past and recent research studies signify the impact of the husband’s meaningful contribution during the pregnancy and the importance of the husband’s involvement in the relationship post-pregnancy. A recent research study by Eddy and Fife (2020) based on the interviews of couples shed light on the advantages of a husband’s involvement during pregnancy. The participants’ account suggested that the husband’s involvement strengthens the couple’s relationship during this motherhood journey. Active involvement consists of four interrelated components:

Moreover, researchers identified five distinct ways adopted by couples to promote their husband’s involvement:

These are just mentioned to be a few benefits, and the list goes on.

Reasons for his lack of interest and how to deal with an unsupportive partner during pregnancy

Now let’s discuss the possible reason that can make your husband unsupportive and emotionally unavailable and how to deal with this issue. In her book Relationship Workbook for Couples (2019), Rachel Stone compiled a comprehensive guide to help couples deal with relationship issues. Taking inspiration from her and various other professional books, following in a broad look on the subject under discussion.

Was he always distant or unsupportive?

Examine the past behavior of your partner or husband. Was he always a bit distant or unsupportive? If not, then try to understand and pinpoint the reason behind his peculiar behavior. He may be worried, had a tough childhood, doubts as a father worried about finances, or that your attention will be diverted, and he will have a lot more responsibility than before. Even if he wanted pregnancy, some things hit hard when the event happens.

So give him some time. Talk about the fun you will have with your baby, nursery themes, baby names, and daycare settings. You can take him to your doctor’s and ultrasound appointments. Listening to that heartbeat of a tiny baby will melt his heart.

Are you being too emotional?

Reflect on your current emotional state. Are you overthinking and reading too much into your husband’s behavior? Are you irritated and frustrated all the time, and he doesn’t know what to do or how to make you feel comfortable and secure?

Feeling a range of somewhat irrational and heightened emotions is normal. But don’t get caught in this whirlpool so much that it affects your relationship. Now and then, have a meeting with your sane self and try to work on your emotions and behaviors that are manageable. Craving, on the other hand, is another issue.

Have to try to communicate or talk?

Most of the time, we suffer in silence, and this is especially true in pregnancy. As a woman, we wonder why he does not understand why he is not making friendly gestures, why he is not happy, and much more. But your partner usually doesn’t have the faintest idea of what is going on with you.

So make an appointment and talk to him. If talking can lead to a heated argument, try to write a letter or email and pour out your heart. This way, you can rationally analyze and convey your expectations. This will resolve your frustrations, and you can have a happy journey ahead. If he voices his doubts regarding fatherhood, ask him to talk to a person he admires as a father. It can be his father, brother, any other family member, or even a friend.

Is your pregnancy unplanned?

Is the pregnancy unplanned? Did you conceive to save a relationship? Pregnancy happened when you are at a difficult phase in your life, i.e., going to break up, financial or health problems?

If yes, then his behavior is someway expected. You seriously need to talk to him regarding the situation, your expectations, and your needs. When his intentions in pregnancy become clear, you will be less hurt and work your way around. You will learn to be on your own.

If this relationship appears to be a lost cause, don’t try to drag it because of the baby. A baby would rather have two happy parents who live separately than a dysfunctional and hostile household.

Don’t forget to practice some self-care.

Give yourself some pampering as well. This will be an example for your husband how he should treat you. Eat your favorite foods, go shopping, buy clothes for your baby, work on the color scheme of your baby’s room, meet your friends, and do whatever gives you relaxation and pleasure. During this time, you need to take care of yourself. Being a strong and independent woman, you don’t need to rely on another person to pamper you or make you feel special.

Seek professional help.

If you still think that things are falling apart, seek professional help. Professional help doesn’t mean having a cathartic session with your friend or mother. Go to a psychologist, counselor, or therapist.

These are just a few reasons for his non-cooperative behavior and the tips for how to deal with an uncooperative husband during pregnancy. However, the human psyche is complex and there could be various other reasons for his lack of interest. It is always advisable to communicate openly and involve a third party i.e. a therapist, mutual friend, or an experienced elderly to resolve the issue.

However, if he is continuously fighting with you, blaming you, demeaning you, or targeting your self-esteem, this is emotional abuse. If there is domestic violence, immediately go to a safe place and file a report if necessary. In such scenarios, reconciliation should be supervised.